Anxiety, are you real?

Our bodies, so magnificently created, are constantly communicating with us. Especially when somethings is out of balance. Well, that’s the whole point in a way isn’t it - if it’s good, you don’t need to be warned, to be alerted. In the case of the opposite though, you better listen carefully.

I’ve been living my life with anxiety unclear from how long. Back in the days I thought it’s me, it’s my problem, that there is something not right with me. But never I thought that I might be having a condition that might have collected from somewhere or appeared after certain experience. I used to believe anxiety and depression are jokes, an excusses that people use to explain their fear or lack of ambition. Until after my dad’s passing away I heard that he was struggling with it. His death changed me completely and thought me not to make assumptions but first to learn about the conditions themselves.

So, I started asking questions, digging information related to my feelings so I can understand more. Turned out I have anxiety. Still continued to ignore it in a way as in my upbringing and home country talking about mental health is not a common subject matter.

But with time, information, conversations I became more and more familiar with it. Since recently I can actually feel it - when it comes and when it goes. I pay more attention to my bodily feelings, I listen more. And it turned out it’s not me, it never was, it’s just something i feel sometimes and that probably I might be even able to let go completely.

Our bodies know us better than we think. We’re intangibly connected to everything and everything is connected to us. And out bodies are the bridge between, the vessel that transmits the information, the best friend that always has our back.

Do you listen? Do you allow yourself to stop and really listen to yourself? To observe what your mind, body and soul are telling you, and how sometimes there is an argument? Those two voices in your head, do you listen?

Or are you scared? Is there something that you avoid facing? Is there a pain that you’re scared to let go of because yore so used to it? But what if you let it go and it all works out? What if by listening to your own body you understand that life it’s lighter without that pain even if the pain is so familiarly satisfying?

We’re all in this together. But each of us has it’s own personal work to do.

Why Photographing Yourself Is Beneficial For You?

Throughout art history, self portraiture has been a way for the artist to reflect and capture themselves in a unique way. Nowadays, with the phone camera we have a constant access to we also have the ability to capture, portray, and record ourselves. Being an artist or not, photographing yourself can be beneficial for you in a few ways.

• Helps you release emotions

As living life and going through experiences, we’re faced with variety of emotions, that often can be overwhelming. All of us humans have moments where we’re faced with challenging emotions, very often unable to express them due to lack of understanding or deep rooted traumas that might not allow us. Here is why standing in front of the camera (and ideally a mirror) by yourself, honest and with all of those bare emotions, you experience an allowance to realise and share. Movement, facial expressions and gaze are all channels to release what you’ve had trapped inside. Unreleased emotions get stored in the body and convert into diseases at some point. Therefore releasing what is bothering you, what has been hurting you, is healthy for your mind, body and soul.

• Helps you get to know yourself better

Self portraiture is true mirror that you put in front to observe, examine and learn more about your own self. Trapped in the human body, your soul is directly expressed through your eyes. How often do you look in your eyes? How often do you stop and stare, examine your facial and body features, but also pay attention to the energy that your souls is transmitting to you? By portraying yourself you get closer to your own soul by paying attention to what’s inside that wants to get out.

You can also learn to accept your physical form, your body. We’re here for a certain amount of years, occupying a body that we often want to change and modify instead of accepting and loving it so it can serve us longer, which is directly related to our life time. Getting to know yourself and accepting yourself as you are here and now would benefit you enormously - you’ll live a more fulfilled and peaceful life, with less anxiety and worries. Because fighting and denying it will only lead to more suffering.

• Helps you learn more about photography

You have a constant access to yourself and your body. Photographing yourself is the quickest and easiest way to practice posses, to play with light or explore further. By practising it you’ll become more confident in your craft and with your clients/sitters. You’ll see and correct mistakes that you might be making often. You can learn more about how light and position can change the feeling of a final image. Never the less, you will end up with interesting body of work that you’re proud of, can use in other ways for variety of purposes, but it will also give you a memory of the captured moment in time that will never return. Self portraiture can become a present that you leave behind to your family and children, to the future generation to remember you and your special light.

In conclusion, photographing yourself is beneficial for you in the form of therapy, art or memory. It can enhance your professional work, but will also develop stronger connection with your soul. Practiced regularly, self portraiture can give you a personal, mirrored look of yourself and where you stand at this point in life, that you can’t find anywhere else. A unique reality check to learn from in a deeper level. Looking and accepting yourself is powerful practice. Being your own art piece will give you joy that you can tap into anytime you want.

I’d love to know how you get along. Let me know in comments! :)

Self Portraiture as Self Discovery

Like many artists, I started my photography journey drawn to fire art photography. I remember the time when I was looking for an image on Google that can represent my emotions and moods on a Skype profile image. Something that can fit in square and tel others with no words what’s on my mind. I know it sounds a bit odd, maybe more than a bit, but this is actually how it all started. That was when I made the decision to pursue photography, a visual representation of my emotions. Women and nudes were my favorite subject from day one.

I began with self-portraiture as I couldn’t explain to anyone else how to feel my emotions, and mainly because those images were created in the privacy of my own. Also I wanted to be the sujbect on in the frame, but felt too shy and unworthy to ask somebody to photograph me. I discovered, working by yourself with yourself is a very intimate act of creation and benefitial in many ways. Even one extra person in the room will make it a shared experience instaed. Even though sometimes I wish I had an extra arm or a pair of eyes to make the process a bit easier, that gives me an opportunity to expand my capabilities and creativity further. I shot when I needed, always honest and somehow dark.

Self Portrait, 2010

In the beginning, I didn’t know where this is going, I was just playing. Now, 12 years later I can say that self-portraiture has become my rehabilitation center, my therapy, and way of going through life. It is my save boat and best friend. I have documented my rawest experiences and emotions.

It is an amazing act of self-focus. Self-discovery and self-realization. I can’t imagine to ever stop or deprive myself of such a gift. And if you haven’t tried yet - go and make some, see how you feel after. I’m curious and I’d love to know how you get on.

Hourglass. Self Portrait 2020